“Spring forward, fall back/tell me where the hoochies at,” sang Clay Aiken on his 2004 hit “This Is The Night,” a song inspired by Aiken’s missed audition for “Rambo: The Musical.”
Aiken reportedly missed that audition because he forgot to realign his clock with daylight-saving time. While depriving the world of the chance to witness Aiken don military garb and sing “I’m No Tourist” and “He’d Do It for Me,” many people still believe daylight savings time serves a purpose.
According to www.usuallyaccurate.com, daylight-saving time was invented by a guy in New Zealand who wanted more daylight for his work involving telescopes. As time went on, governments around the world implemented the practice under the auspices of saving energy and making the attendance of after-work activities tied to retail more palatable to the masses.
Retailers have embraced the daylight-saving system with open arms, while animal rights groups continually call foul. Citing the annual admittance of thousands of roosters to psychiatric wards immediately following daylight-saving time, animal caregivers believe the idea is outmoded.
“Those roosters are used to people milling around shortly after their sunrise crowing is finished,” said Dr. Drew Thompson of the Nick Searcy School of Veterinary Medicine in Cullowhee. “They think people can’t hear them, so they crow louder and louder until their vocal cords shut down. One guy brought in a bantam rooster last year that strained so hard he laid four eggs and a cup of coffee.”
While most of the United States will be moving their clocks ahead one hour at 2 a.m. on March 10, Lenoir County leaders have decided to bow out of this year’s observance.
“We’ve done it for years, and all it does is make people cranky and late for a few weeks every March,” said Chris Blizzard, chairman of the Kinston/Lenoir County Department of Buying and Selling. “If I don’t get my full eight hours of sleep every night, I’m just not The Blizz.”
Blizzard recently oversaw an emergency meeting of the Kinston/Lenoir County Dept. of B.S., which yielded a 5-1 vote in favor of amending the county’s daylight-saving policy, along with a 6-0 vote in favor of crunchy over smooth.
“We weren’t able to totally abolish daylight-saving, but we put a good dent in it,” Blizzard said. “To pacify the one politically correct priapism on the board, Lenoir County will be observing daylight saving on a rotating schedule of one day per week.”
According to a Dept. of B.S. press release, the first four dates all Lenoir County businesses and government institutions will observe daylight-saving are March 11 (Monday), March 19 (Tuesday), March 27 (Wednesday), and April 4 (Thursday).
“This sounds like a fantastic idea,” said no one representing Lenoir County Schools. “We don’t think altering the sleep time of our students, staff and parents by one hour will have any negative effects on our day-to-day operations. We’re sure we won’t see a spike in the number of parents who decide to home-school their children.”
Residents who believe they’ll have trouble remembering which days to spring forward, fall back or kneel are invited to download the free “Lenoir Time” app at thirdofnever.com. The app will automatically adjust all timekeeping mechanisms such as clocks, televisions and pacemakers to current Lenoir County time.
Those who do not use any type of smartphone are encouraged to join their local Boy or Girl Scout troop and learn how to tell time by scratching a rock with a stick and holding it up to the sun.
Jon Dawson’s columns appear every Tuesday and Thursday in The Free Press. Contact Jon at 252-559-1092 or jon.dawson@kinston.com. Purchase books, music and Nick Searcy action figures at jondawson.com.