To the millions of people who read the Kinston Free Press on a daily basis, Ryan Herman is known as our sports editor, sports writer and sports department. To his co-workers, he'll be forever remembered as the guy who tried to use White-Out on his computer screen.
As of June 30, Herman will no longer be a member of the Free Press staff. He has decided to take a job at his hometown newspaper in El Segundo, CA. While most everyone at the Free Press is towing the company line and saying "we'll miss him greatly" and "he was a valued member of the team" and "so what if he stole a few purses here and there," I refuse to take part in this politically correct hoodoo.
When Herman first arrived at the Free Press, he had that optimistic look they all have when they first get here. His desk was impeccably organized, with complaints that certain schools weren't being covered enough on one side and complaints about the non-coverage of retirement community checker tournaments on the right. Young Herman even used a carpenter's level to make sure the Post-It notes on his computer were aligned symmetrically in the 2-1-2 defensive pattern.
In the beginning, Herman attacked his job with the gusto of a bean taster with irritable bowel syndrome. If more than two people gathered to throw, kick, putt or filet a ball, Herman was there. No matter if young Herman was only getting four hours of sleep a night and a paltry Pop Tart from the break room for lunch, his desire to publicize local community sports was insatiable.
"I was raking leaves in my yard one night after work and Herman showed up out of the blue," said Paulette Burroughs, 39, of La Grange. "He mistook the leaf raking for Jai alai and wanted to make sure he wasn't missing anything. He played tough to get, too. I invited him inside for a chitlin' mimosa but he said he had to go."
As time went on, the grind of putting out a daily newspaper began to take its toll on the golden boy from El Segundo. His once vibrant game descriptions ("the two teams stalked the field of battle as if control of the TV remote depended on it") eventually regressed to the bare minimum ("uh, a couple of guys took the ball and ran that-away, then the other guys took it and ran the other way").
Once while listening to an irate parent curse him out for not publishing photos from a hackey sack tournament, the usually affable Herman curled up in the fetal position and laid down in the parking lot. When the profane parent walked closer to see if Herman was alright, Herman bit the man on the ankle.
Luckily, the person Herman bit was into it.
"I'm just burned out," Herman said on Monday. "It's time for me to return to my hometown and recharge the batteries. Also, the local library redid their computer system years ago, so that copy of 'Heidi' I've had out since 1990 won't be a problem anymore."
“I'm going to miss all the friends I've made during my time in Kinston," Herman said. "It's been great working for Bryan Hanks. His insistence on giving me a deep tissue massage every morning during our staff meetings took a while for me to get used to, but every boss has their own way."
Herman will take over as the sports editor at the El Segundo Tribune on July 10. On July 13, he'll be reunited onstage with the El Segundo hip-hop legends Cypress Hill, a group he co-founded in 1985 with Q-Tip, Phife Dawg, Jarobi White and Ali Shaheed Muhammad.
Herman's original stage name was M.C. Hermtasia, but in recent years he has sporadically performed under the monikers C-Nugget, WD-41 and Ann Francisco.
"I left the group after we cut our first demo," Herman said. "We parted on good terms, but when 'Insane In The Brain' became a hit, they didn't take my calls for a few years. Hopefully, when we get to spit again, the magic will return."
Ryan Herman/WD-41 will be performing with Cypress Hill at Fours-E-Nuff in El Segundo on July 13 at 10 p.m.
Jon Dawson's columns appear every Tuesday and Thursday in The Free Press. Contact Jon at 252-559-1092 or jon.dawson@kinston.com. Purchase the new Third Of Never album 'Downrising' at iTunes, Amazon and thirdofnever.com.