Many City of Kinston utility customers are still fuming over the recent Rouse Road substation failure that left thousands of customers without electricity. Those who weren’t fuming described themselves as “steamed,” while those who were stoned at the time didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary.
Officials with the city have narrowed the problem down to a piece of equipment known as an “arrestor,” which — in laymen’s terms — is a surge protector on a grand scale. This device is not to be confused with the equally popular surge scale on a grand protector or its lesser-known cousin, the scale surge on a protected grand.
According to a story written by Free Press reporter Wes Wolfe, these arrestors would normally last between 30 and 50 years. As it turns out, the arrestors that have caused the two most recent blackouts are only about 16. An unnamed source at the City of Kinston confirmed the faulty pieces of equipment were still under warranty.
“This equipment came with a 30-year warranty, but somebody forgot to clean his pants pockets out before he put them in the wash and the receipt was ruined,” said the unnamed source. “For a while, I’d check his pockets before they were washed, but after so many years you just get tired of treating a grown man like a little boy.
“I reckon he thinks his mama is gonna keep cleanin’ up after him, but his mama don’t live here — although there may be room for her soon.”
Wolfe’s story went on to say officials plan to replace all of the arrestors at the problematic substation in question. As for the current faulty equipment, minutes from a 1993 Kinston Council meeting reveal that a heated debate led to a 3-2 vote in favor of purchasing electrical equipment from a new vendor at a cheaper price.
“Looking back on it now, buying electrical equipment from Hasbro may not have been the wisest decision,” said a former Kinston City Council member who wished to remain anonymous. “Them Cabbage Patch Dolls were hot as fire at the time. They agreed to throw in a few dozen cases of them dolls if we bought our arrestors from them. Everybody on the council that year had Cabbage Patch Dolls to give to their youngun’s and grandyoungun’s; I didn’t have children at the time, so I sold my share and went to Cabo for a month.”
The unnamed council member continued, “A little Old Spice and a wad of money goes a long ways down there, although I brought something back that penicillin nor Ajax could run off.”
While most citizens realize it’s pointless to blame the current administration (no pun intended) for the city’s electrical woes, a combination of rising bills, lower income and spotty service has them screaming for solutions.
To that end, the Kinston City Council held an emergency meeting during last week’s power outage.
“We met by candlelight at the courthouse,” said one council member. “The mood was much more relaxed than our usual meetings. At one point someone turned on a battery-powered radio and Andre Crouch’s ‘The Blood Will Never Lose It’s Power’ was playing.
“I’d be lying if I said we didn’t get a little emotional.”
The meeting — which didn’t adjourn until 4 a.m. the following day — yielded what may be the most controversial decision ever reached by the City Council.
“We’re going to annex Tri-County Electric,” said a Kinston City Council spokesman. “They’re not burdened with this ElectriCities thing, it’ll be less of a burden on our utility workers and they stopped buying parts from Hasbro back in the ’70s. As far as ElectriCities go, we’re just going to stop sending in payments. What are they gonna do, turn off the electricity?”
Just as this edition of The Free Press was about to go to print, a small but spirited rally broke out in front of the Rouse Road substation in Kinston. Out of a group of 17 in attendance, 15 were holding up signs demanding better service and lower rates, while two individuals who appeared to be under the influence of marijuana were seen clutching the chain link fence and repeatedly asking for help.
“We’ve been hearing about this sub place all week, so we came down to get a sammich,” said Tommy Marin of Brewster Place, Kinston. “The dude has been on like a bathroom break for hours, man. Having access to all that cheese is probably harshing his mellow right now.”
Jon Dawson’s columns appear every Tuesday and Thursday in The Free Press. Contact Jon at 252-559-1092 or at jon.dawson@kinston.com. Purchase books, music and glamour shots at jondawson.com.