The block headline in The Free Press on Friday, Sept. 6 was this: “I Am Not a Monster,” which was a direct quote from Will Barker in his statement at his sentencing on Sept. 5 in Wilmington. It was a quote countering what the prosecutor had called him.
It was an unfortunate headline, in my mind, because it gave the impression that Will was pleading for his reputation or trying to excuse himself. Nothing could be further from the truth. The rest of the article, though, was much more balanced.
I joined about 55 people from Kinston in Wilmington that day. To me, Will seemed serene. He had come to terms with his sin. He was sincerely contrite. He was overwhelmed at the grace extended by family and friends. He was thankful that the downward spiral was over. He was expecting the just judgment that was coming.
This was my first time going to court with the family. His attorneys told me there were six appearances, each attended by over 50 friends from Kinston. One hundred and 78 people from our community wrote letters of reference on behalf of Will. The judge was so moved that his first words in court were: “I want you to know that I’ve read every letter.”
I’m thankful to The Free Press for this chance to share how I’ve digested what we experienced. Unfortunately, I can’t shake the dread I had the night before the sentencing: “What if my worst deeds were to be made public tomorrow? What if my skeletons were on display for all to see?”
I’d be horrified. Rightly so. Because I am a tremendous sinner. I don’t think I’m alone.
Driving to Wilmington with two friends, we discussed the one error they’ve found in the Bible. Some of you think it’s shot through with errors, and some think I’m about to be struck by lightning! But, Friend A said, “The mistake is right there where Paul admits that he is the ‘chief of sinners.’ I know that’s an error, because I am the worst sinner.”
Wednesday night, I felt like the worst sinner. It would be harrowing to have my junk laid out for all the world to see. Frankly, I was amazed at Will’s dignity, to say nothing of his wife’s. At one point, the judge said, “The measure of a man is the woman he marries. You (turning to Will) must be a good man.”
Karen is a woman of valor! She is a living tribute to the power of righteous love — which looks beyond our fault and sees our need.
I’m not trying to saint Will or anything like that. But what if we as a community began to look beyond fault to see needs? Not merely in one man, but in all of us. We are surrounded by sin, shot through with it!
It’s exactly when you and I think we are better than a public wrong-doer that we endanger ourselves gravely. God never calls us to feelings of superiority; only feelings of gratitude and humility: “There, but for the grace of God, go I.”
None of us is a monster. And all of us are monsters. The judge also said, “There is an evil force at work in the world.” It’s a real force that wants to destroy you, me, this community and our families.
But here’s the good news. There is a Good Force at work too: His name is Jesus. He delights in picking up the pieces of a broken life, and putting them back together. Will knows his life is broken. God can now do a miracle of grace in it.
If you and I don’t think we’re broken, we’ll never reach out for the one who always picks up the pieces and starts afresh. He will always look beyond my fault, and see my need. And, for that, I’m eternally grateful.
Because, in my heart of hearts, without God’s grace, I’m a monster.
The Rev. Jason McKnight is pastor of Grace Fellowship Church in Kinston. Reach him at Jason@gracekinston.org. The opinions of the guest columnist are not necessarily those of The Free Press.
Breakout box:
The Free Press guest columnist feature typically appears every other Wednesday in this space. Would you like to be considered as a guest columnist? Contact Editor Bryan Hanks at 252-559-1074 or at Bryan.Hanks@Kinston.com. Jon Dawson’s biweekly column returns next week.