Attention, attention!
Do you believe that U.S. should not waste its time in Syria?
Do you believe homosexuality and gay marriage is putting us closer to the Apocalypse?
Do you believe we should close our borders and make sure anyone living in our country speak your language and act as you do?
Do you believe the United States is committing “suicide” by letting all these minorities into the country?
Well my friends, I have a place, headed by a charismatic leader, which falls into line with your specific way of thinking. Just pack your bags and head to Mother Russia. Upon your arrival, you will be overcome with joy that you have reached your promised land.
That’s right ladies and gentlemen, your political and social beliefs are consistent with that of Russian leader Vladmir Putin and his puppet party. You should be thrilled that you can finally have everything you ever wanted.
Think of the joy. You will never have to have those gays flaunt their gayness in your face again. You will not have to concern yourself with human atrocities in other countries again —unless your new homeland is the one committing them, of course.
You needn’t worry about those pesky immigrants coming into your new home with their own languages and cultures because they will not be allowed into your new home. If, by some misfortune (God forbid!), they make it into your homeland, they will in no way be allowed to speak their own language or practice their own culture because the primitive ways of most minorities are not “compatible” with your ways.
The irony here is that all of these items are true. It should make you proud that your views line up with the leader of Mother Russia. For all the name-calling — ranging from “communist” to “socialist” — hurled at certain sides in our country, isn’t it hilarious that only one side is politically and socially in line with a REAL socialist?
In an op ed in the New York Times, Putin lambasted potential U.S. involvement in Syria by saying, “The potential strike by the United States against Syria, despite strong opposition from many countries and major political and religious leaders, including the pope, will result in more innocent victims and escalation, potentially spreading the conflict far beyond Syria’s borders.”
On this matter, Putin may be right. However, the fact that his government has more than a little interest vested in Syria puts a cloud over his comments. For years, Russia has supported Syrian leader Bashar al-Assad. The Russians have supplied arms to al-Assad and, for all we know, are the ones who gave the chemical weapons to Syria in the first place.
As for homosexuals, Putin could easily substitute for just about any of our right wing politicians. He has said, “The Europeans are dying out ... and gay marriages don’t produce children.”
If this sounds familiar, keep in mind it was ranking U.S. House member Trent Franks who said, “It not only is a complete undermining of the principles of family and marriage and the hope of future generations, but it completely begins to see our society break down to the extent that that foundational unit of the family that is the hope of survival of this country is diminished to the extent that it literally is a threat to the nation’s survival in the long run.”
With immigration and immigrants in mind, Putin said recently, “We better learn from the suicides of America, England, Holland and France, if we are to survive as a nation. The Russian customs and traditions are not compatible with the lack of culture or the primitive ways of most minorities.”
Once again, he has much in common with some of his American brethren. U.S. Rep. Steven King of Iowa thinks so much of immigrants he made the following statement: “For everyone (immigrants) who’s a valedictorian, there’s another 100 out there that weigh 130 pounds and they’ve got calves the size of cantaloupes because they’re hauling 75 pounds of marijuana across the desert.”
Good times, right? Makes you proud to be American, right? Or maybe “American” isn’t exactly the right word. Keep in mind when it comes to immigration, James Madison (yes, that James Madison) said, “America was indebted to immigration for her settlement and prosperity. That part of America which had encouraged them most had advanced most rapidly in population, agriculture and the arts.”
However, we are here today with a group of people who holler “Merica!” and drape themselves in the Star and Stripes, but sound more and more like a certain Russian leader.
But hey, isn’t it nice to know that you can walk hand and hand with Vladmir Putin into a perfect world in which everyone looks like you, sounds like you, acts like and, more importantly, thinks like you?
Head on out to Mother Russia. Real Americans won’t miss you.
Richard Clark is the universal desk chief for Halifax ENC; his column appears in this space every Sunday. You can reach him at 910-219-8452 or at Richard.Clark@jdnews.com. Follow him on Twitter at @kpaws22.