A La Grange man has been arrested for operating a fair in a vacant field behind his house.
According to an incident report obtained from the La Grange Police Department, Cedric Lombard, 48, of 7244 Prairie Ave., operated several concession stands and amusement rides without the proper permits from Sept. 20-23.
“What do I need a permit for?” Lombard asked on Wednesday. “I have a permit for this land, which in turn should permit me to do what I want to do with it.”
Law enforcement officials shut down Lombard’s fair after receiving reports of fraud and counterfeit sauerkraut.
“Finances are tight, so to save money we took our two boys to Mr. Lombard’s fair,” said Trudy Joplin, 47, of Kinston. “It only cost $3 per person, so we figured a cheap fair would be better than no fair at all. The hot dogs were OK, but the petting zoo was nothing more than a collection of stray dogs fighting over a trash can lid full of Ol’ Roy mixed with malt liquor.”
Other attractions that raised eyebrows at Lombard’s fair included The Maze of Old Car Batteries, The Bearded Uncle, The Hall of Busted Mirrors, Muffler Jousting, Bobbing for Brisket, Spot the Weave, Lawn Mower Derby and a Wet Sock contest.
“(Lombard) threw a water hose on top of his house and called it a water slide,” said Ira Stone, 42, of Snow Hill. “They’d slide off the roof and land into a pile of mattresses he’d picked out of the landfill.”
Lombard said the parents were out of line to accuse of him of creating an unsafe environment.
“This all plays into the nanny state mentality that’s ruining this country,” Lombard said. “Just because trace elements of rickets and Texas Pete were found on those mattresses, everybody went crazy.
“Helmets, vaccinations and toothbrushes are making these children wimps!”
If some patrons were willing to cast a blind eye to Lombard’s unusual fair activities, none of them could ignore his menu.
“We had hot sewer trout sandwiches, squirrel on a stick, boiled pennies, fried Snickers, worm spaghetti, pocket lint gumbo and cabbage splits,” Lombard said. “And our cotton candy wasn’t that fake stuff that’s all sugar; ours was made from real cotton.”
This is not Lombard’s first brush with the law. A background check revealed Lombard was arrested twice in Miami for running an illegal Girl Scout fighting ring in 1985. In 1991, he pleaded no contest to one count of soliciting prostitution at the San Diego Zoo, and in 2004, he served four months in jail for crimes against origami.
Lombard is currently being held in the Lenoir County Jail under a $2,000 secured bond. His first court date is scheduled for Sept. 31.
Jon Dawson’s columns appear every Tuesday and Thursday in The Free Press. Contact Jon at 252-559-1092 or jon.dawson@kinston.com. Purchase books, music and baked spark plugs at jondawson.com.