All Julee Cruise wanted to do was host a nice little Easter egg hunt for the neighborhood children.
“Our congregation was supposed to have an Easter egg hunt after church on Sunday but it was rained out,” Cruise said. “When the sun peeked out later that afternoon, I decided to put together an impromptu egg hunt.”
Cruise sent her husband Angelo to the store to pick up all the Easter candy he could find, although the pickings were slim.
“It looked like a crime scene in there,” Angelo said. “There were a few hints of that green Easter hay strewn on a few shelves and maybe one chocolate bunny with its tail bitten off, but that was it.”
When her husband returned from the store with only a Larry The Cable Guy/Git-Er-Done rabbit ear bottle opener and a pack of Peeps lemon-flavored hair extensions, Julee swung into action.
“I called the parents and grandparents of every child that was coming to our Easter egg hunt,” Cruise said. “I told them whatever candy they had — be it a bowl of peppermint that’s been in the living room for six years or a bag of Werther’s that currently being used as a door stop — to bring it over immediately.”
Within minutes, people started showing up at Cruise’s door with candy.
“Everyone came into our kitchen and started filling plastic toy egg shells with their candy,” she said. “The sense of community that permeated the room was almost overpowering.”
Several of the parents in attendance told The Free Press they were touched by the kindness of the Cruise family.
“This was a great gesture,” said Sheryl Lee, 41, mother of 5-year-old Donna. “Our daughter was disappointed when the church festivities were canceled, but this event has cheered her up.”
Will Munson, 52, said, “My kids are off at college; I’m very lonely.”
Putting on the egg hunt changed up the Cruise’s Sunday routine, to say the least.
“Usually on a Sunday afternoon I put on a pair of sweatpants and watch a ballgame on TV until I pass out and wake up four hours later in a pool of my own drool,” Angelo Cruise said with an unsettling smile. “But this ... with the kids screamin’ and causing hundreds of dollars worth of damages to our landscaping to find $4 worth of candy? This is much better.
“No, really, it’s great.”
The only hitch in an otherwise successful endeavor came when the parents of few children who attended the Easter egg hunt called Cruise to complain about some of the items found in their eggs.
“A woman called in and said her kid’s toy eggs were filled with dyed cigarettes and frozen shrimp,” Cruise said. “Another mother fought back tears as she recounted the numerous questions posed by her 5-year-old son after he pulled a garter belt from a green plastic egg. They told him it was a slingshot, so now he’s running around the neighborhood trying to fling rocks at birds with women’s lingerie.”
The offensive items have been traced back to Paulette Burroughs, 39, of La Grange.
“They invited some of my crowd to the festivities so I just wanted to help out,” Burroughs said. “They shouldn’t be upset about the lingerie. That garter came in a pack of 10 I bought at South of The Border back in ’86, and it’s made from a type of poly/cotton/asbestos blend that’s illegal in the United States now, so it’s quite valuable.”
Along with boasting of the garments rare pedigree, Burroughs says it’s also durable.
“That garter was part of my wardrobe rotation during the years I dated Porter Wagoner and Martin Lawrence at the same time,” Burroughs said. “That thing has seen more action than a trampoline in a kangaroo preserve.”
Cruise said clergy from all over the country were flying in to counsel the 5-year-old boy who found Burroughs’ inappropriate items on Sunday.
“He’s started wearing his robe around the house all day,” the little boy’s mother said. “Just a few minutes ago, he told me he wanted a subscription to ‘Maxim’ for his birthday.”
Jon Dawson’s columns appear every Tuesday and Thursday in The Free Press. Contact Jon at 252-559-1092 or jon.dawson@kinston.com. Purchase books, music and Caesar Chavez commemorative plates at jondawson.com.